Kisses under the mistletoe

Pulling a cracker on your own, snuggling up on the sofa with a log fire blazing away all by yourself, aware that loved up couples are buying Christmas presents for each other when you are single makes festive fun rather sadly scrooge like. Forget that hasty smacker under the wilting mistletoe you encountered at the Christmas party and think; what really makes your fairy lights sparkle? As you throw that CD by Celine Dion; ‘All By Myself’ into the bin; grab your woolly hat and gloves and embark on a jingle all the way mission to find your very own Mr Right.

  It’s reassuring to know that being in love really is good for you! According to a study last year by Dr Fincham at Florida State University on personal relationships, college students in committed romantic relationships experienced greater well-being than single college students. They were also less likely to be overweight and experienced fewer mental health problems. The population appear to agree that romance lifts the spirits as a study by onepoll of 4,000 Britons revealed 86% believe that there is a special someone out there for everyone and a lucky 63% say that they have already met their perfect match. However, researchers also found that many women are setting their sights rather high with a doctor named as the most attractive career for a potential mate, and a fireman coming close second, followed by a lawyer, teacher and gym instructor.

  While there is nothing wrong with a woman wanting the cream of the crop, according to Professor Chris Fraley and his graduate student Amanda Vicary of the university of Illinois, the most secure individuals are more likely to choose positive relationships that enhance their lives. Nevertheless, your childhood can have an impact on the way you search for a potential partner as well as the quality of your romantic relationships but scientists from the University of Minnesota in the U.S discovered that even those who have had an insecure upbringing can pick up certain skills from an emotionally equipped partner. Researcher  Jessica Salvatore found that romantic partners can even reduce the psychological effects of negative experiences. So further positive evidence to recommend the pursuit of finding a man in time for pulling a cracker or two!

  Preparation work is required first, however. You need to feel psychologically ready to meet your soul mate; enhance your self esteem and be aware of what you really desire in a man. Nicholas Emler, a social psychologist at the London School of Economics found low self esteem to increase the risk of eating disorders, suicide and depression and though you may blame yourself for previous failed relationships, hope is at hand. Julia Armstrong, an expert in realising human potential and author and speaker with her own popular podcast suggests that previous relationships can offer us an opportunity for growth and healing. It is necessary to explore the role you played in that relationship and search for familiar patterns of behaviour that you don’t wish to repeat again. She notes that we need to be aware of our own issues and thought processes so that we can be prepared to go consciously and open minded into a new relationship. Perhaps most importantly, is recognising that it is more about being the best partner we can be rather than searching for someone to fulfil our expectations. Consider that next time your fingers touch when passing the plate of mince pies...

  Lavishladies.co.uk may help you to become that person you’ve always wished you were and be ultimate partner material. The idea behind the website is to help women to achieve their true potential by boosting their self esteem and experiencing fulfilment in their work and their relationships; it is all about empowerment and even transformation. A personal coach can help you achieve such goals which can be done face-to-face, by telephone or email. Banishing negativity and decluttering your life, letting go of the past and achieving a greater self image can all contribute to your psychological preparation for finding a soul mate in time for the festive season.

  Neuro-linguistic programming allows you to let loose your own natural radiance and according to Nannette, a qualified NLP practitioner from http://finallyfindmrright.com, it can help you to take control of your conscious and unconscious thoughts so that you effectively eradicate past baggage and start afresh. She can help you to enter the magical world of your unconscious mind and actually change your reality.

  Chris, an IT professional from Plymouth, admits that it was the way he changed his thought processes that enabled him to find the special woman in his life as he’d known her for quite a while until one day, everything slipped into place and he realised that she was the one for him. NLP can assist in helping you see people through new eyes and awaken your senses. You never know, the man of your dreams may be right next to you, dressed as Father Christmas!

   Once you feel ready to sample the stock of available men, Julia Armstrong suggests you work at being yourself so that what is on the inside of you is reflected on the outside. This way you will have the chance of building an authentic and meaningful relationship.

But how do you go about practically finding your soul mate? Encouraging research from the University of Bath suggests that internet dating can have a very positive outcome. A survey asked 229 internet daters about their experiences of internet dating and 94% had built up a significant relationship online that lasted. Many people are so busy these days that internet dating seems a viable option. However, if you would prefer to get to know someone by actually being in their presence, no matter how brief, then speed dating could be a consideration. You can gain a hasty snap shot of the person in front of you but be warned,        Robert Kurzban and Jason Weeden from the University of Pennsylvania investigated more than 10,000 speed daters in the US and found that speed dating focuses on physical attraction to a greater extent than normal. You just need to be aware of what you are looking for and try and get as much information as you can about that potential person while projecting your own personality to them.

  Kirk, a thirty something musician from Cornwall, says that being your true self can get you noticed. He met his beautiful lady when he and his friends soaked as many people as they could one summer with water pistols, just for fun, and she didn’t forget him. 6 years later they found each other on facebook and are living the happily ever after fairytale. Standing out from a crowd gets you noticed, so think of your best feature and accentuate it; whether it is a personality trait or your most excellent physical attribute. You could wow him in your gorgeous Christmas dress or impress him with your knowledge of reindeer...

  Also, don’t be fooled by the popular happily ever after films, author Lori Gottlieb says and adds that marriage actually isn’t meant to be a passionfest but instead a ‘partnership formed to run a very small, mundane and often boring non profit business’. So don’t turn away partners that may not tick all the boxes and consider downgrading your expectations. Instead ask yourself whether you share similar values and thoughts about the future. Are you prepared to help each other find happiness and fulfilment? According to psychiatrist Dr Scott Peck, if you desire a fulfilling future for your partner then this is what it means to love.

If you’ve tried internet dating and it just isn’t for you then consider joining a group or club that does something you love. Having shared interests is a great strength in a long term relationship according to Sarah Abell, a relationship expert who writes for the Telegraph. So this could be anything from abseiling, salsa dancing to performing in your local amateur dramatics group. She also suggests on a first date you make an effort with your appearance, leave your emotional baggage at home and don’t forget your manners!

  Sometimes it may take a long time to find your soul mate but don’t give up hope. Emma, who studied law at university, waited a whole year for her fiancé to ask her out. She continued living her life until the day came that he got round to it. Now they are happily engaged and she feels the wait was worth it. Julia Armstrong adds that it is essential to commit to yourself when you are single and live your life to the full. In fact, she says, we all need to learn how to be on our own and that if we are looking for someone else to make ourselves feel whole, then this will be a fruitless search. After all, being single can be fun too! We can learn and develop in different relationships and find out more about ourselves.

A Cornell University study found that women gain more weight being married than being single so there are some perks to a solo lifestyle!

  Just remember, Moody Blues got it right with their popular song, ‘I know you’re out there somewhere’; especially when Justine Haywood soothed, ‘I know I’ll find you somehow’. Don’t give up and you never know, your soul mate just might be the one to find you...

A Christmas Dream

He visits the dreams of the young not old

Travelling the starry skies

A very jolly man the tale is told

Who eats too many mince pies

Squeezing down the chimney in eager pursuit

To deliver gifts galore

Leaving many a present that will only suit

A child who doesn’t want more

A reindeer or two, a sleigh so bright

A home he won’t leave out

Stealing through the Christmas Eve night

No one knows that he’s about

But I know he comes and I know it’s true

Others to believe is so hard

He left me a gift that no one else knew

A reindeer in my own back yard!

The History of Bonfire Night

The history of Bonfire Night; what it really means

Everyone has heard of Guy Fawkes, haven’t they? And how he was part of a group of men who wanted to blow up the Houses of Parliament in London? But do you know who John Johnson was and his role in the gunpowder plot? Do you know why the plot was created or how it failed? Or will be revealed with a sizzle of a sausage and the sparkle of a firework in an instant so that when you are watching with awe at the stunning fireworks and creeping closer to the warmth that blazing bonfire emits, you can impress everyone with your knowledge as to what you are really celebrating...

There were 12 conspirators involved in the gunpowder plot of 5^th November 1605. Guy Fawkes alias was actually John Johnson but the main ring leader was a man called Robert Catesby.

A group of Roman Catholics planned to assassinate King James l along with the rest of Parliament as they attended the ceremonial State Opening of Parliament. They wanted everyone in government to be removed and to return England to the Catholic faith. They were led by Sir Robert Catesby, a charismatic and religious man.

Guy Fawkes was the explosives expert in the group and his role was to guard the 36 barrels of explosives and light the fuse on November 5^th.

However, the police received an anonymous tip off and Guy Fawkes was found in the basement with a fuse in his pocket, all ready to go! The rest of the group managed to escape but were either eventually shot or hung, drawn and quartered.

Some say that Guy Fawkes was imprisoned in the Tower of London and tortured during his questioning.

He was due to be executed on 31^st January 1606 at Old Palace Yard, Westminster but he actually died by breaking his neck when jumping from the gallows.

So now you can see why there are so many firework displays dazzling the skies on November 5^th; their significance is to represent the explosion that would have occurred if Guy Fawkes had been successful in his bid to light the fuse.

You may wonder why we burn an imitation of Guy Fawkes on the bonfire...

In celebration of his survival, King James ordered that the people of England should have a great bonfire on the night of November 5th. This fire was traditionally topped off with an effigy of the pope rather than Guy Fawkes. His place at the top of the fire came in later as did fireworks. The East Sussex county town of Lewes still has the pope alongside Guy Fawkes when it comes to the effigies being burned.

Some say a government conspiracy was the real gunpowder plot because King James’ chief minister hated Catholics and wanted rid of them and to remove Catholicism entirely from England which he saw as a constant threat. King James had a phobia of dying because he had experienced a very frightening childhood. What better way to get King James to severely persecute the Catholics in England by helping him to believe that they had tried to kill him in this very violent manner. However, was it possible that the conspirators had help from the Government as the Government had a monopoly on gunpowder? And how did they move the gunpowder across London from the Tower of London to Westminster without anyone seeing it? Why was there a search of Parliament’s cellars, for the first time in history?

We may never know the answers to these questions but while historians hunt for evidence, let’s grab a hotdog in one hand, a sparkler in the other and watch the sky light up with whistles, bangs and explosions. The true meaning of Bonfire night has been revealed...

Festive joy: offer a gift of Christmas Kindness today

Festive joy; offer a gift of Christmas kindness today

Christmas is the time for giving and sharing and there is nothing quite like the pleasure of watching your family unwrap the presents you carefully prepared for them, but as for shopping...sheer bliss! Everyone in high spirits, traditional music floating in your ears as you try to find that perfect gift for your mum or dad, brother, baby sister, aunt, niece...the list goes on.

But what about the people who don’t have family close by? How about the elderly? How do they cope at Christmas? And what of the homeless? What is the festive occasion really like for them?

Statistics and research indicates that Christmas can be a very lonely time for some people as they prepare for a day on the streets again or all on their own without the love and kindness that we so often take for granted.

Would you like to help vulnerable, old or lonely people at Christmas? There are several organisations whose mission is to do just that. Have a look at www.crisis.org.uk, www.caringatchristmas.org.uk and www1.salvationarmy.org.uk to get some ideas as to how to ease the burden for so many people at this festive time. Do you like the idea of taking food to the homeless? Perhaps entertaining the elderly? Maybe you could talk to your friends and all come up with an idea as to how to make Christmas a happy time for vulnerable people.

If you are the crafty type, creating your own Christmas cards is a great way to make someone feel special at Christmas as it really shows effort and consideration. Why not gather some glitter and foil, a few stars and ribbon and make an extra unique one for an elderly person this Christmas?

If you are creative and have a love of words, what about making up your very own Christmas poem to raise a smile for a homeless charity?

A Christmas Dream

He visits the dreams of the young not old

Travelling the starry skies

A very jolly man the tale is told

Who eats too many mince pies

Squeezing down the chimney in eager pursuit

To deliver gifts galore

Leaving many a present that will only suit

A child who doesn’t want more

A reindeer or two, a sleigh so bright

A home he won’t leave out

Stealing through the Christmas Eve night

No one knows that he’s about

But I know he comes and I know it’s true

Others to believe is so hard

He left me a gift that no one else knew

A reindeer in my own back yard!

On the theme of creativity why not compose your very own festive CD? You could download from the internet your own compilation for some deserving people that you have in mind and use your artistic skills to make a stunning album cover...

Making a special hamper needn’t cost a fortune if you would like to take one to a person who is all alone this Christmas. This is such a personal gift, they will know you have put real thought into it. You could take a small box and wrap it in Christmas paper. Consider decorating it with tinsel and place small Christmas crackers, mince pies, nuts and even a small festive calendar inside to make it really Christmassy.

Whatever you decide to do this Christmas to make someone feel special, you will be rewarded by knowing you have contributed to making them feel a little less lonely knowing that someone cares. Just that alone will make the traditional saying of peace and goodwill to all that much meaningful for you...

Merry Christmas!

Exploring the Autumn Countryside

Autumn is almost here!

If you enjoy trampling through orange, russet and gold leaves, darkening your hands from picking blackberries and listening out for a woodpecker or the familiar song of the Robin Redbreast, then this time of year is for you. The hedgerows are bursting with colour as bushes produce their distinctive berries and trees such as chestnut, beech and hazel begin to prepare for spring and start to make seeds that mammals may pick up and hopefully drop on fertile ground faraway. Birds arrive and others leave on migration and animals get ready for the cold of winter. This is the time to explore!

Autumn is the time when leaves start falling from the trees and squirrels begin to collect nuts for the winter. It is also a time when people collect food for the harvest and fruit is ripening, the nights grow colder and it gets dark early. Rather than feel down that summer is over, think of all that you can do now the cooler months are with us! Trekking around our beautiful countryside has to be one.

So what can you look for when you are out rambling? Autumn is the season when the days are rapidly getting shorter and the sun is becoming lower in the sky. So you need to bare this in mind when you are out. The autumn equinox, when day and night are of equal length, is on 23 September. There are often amazing sunsets in Autumn, so look out for them and the stars can seem brighter at night, and on some mornings mist hangs over fields and parks; perhaps a perfect time for a walk? This is the season of nature's plenty.  Examine the wonderful hedgerow harvest of blackberries, rose hips, crab apples, hazel nuts and seeds. Many wildlife species benefit from this fantastic harvest to build up reserves of fat for migration or for hibernation. Autumn serves many purposes.

This is the time of year where birds gather together to form flocks; look out for flocks of rooks and carrion crows on an autumn evening or parties of long tailed tits and consider an early morning walk to catch a spider constructing his web. You will see his web outlined in dew on hedgerows and prepared to be amazed how carefully he creates his web! Consider visiting beech woodland just to catch a glimpse of the magical colours of autumn; leaves are turning yellow, gold, red and orange and are beautiful to see.

Fancy blackberry and apple crumble or maybe blackberry jam? Now is the time to go! While you are out you will spot other wildlife taking advantage of the autumn harvest so look out for the sleek blackbird, mice and voles as well as squirrels, hedgehogs and other hungry birds.

Also, why not gather some conkers and sweet chestnuts? You can split open the green shiny case of the horse chestnut fruit to find the shiny brown conker within and sweet chestnuts are delicious roasted on an open fire.

Another autumn hobby is wild mushroom picking but remember to follow the country code such as close gates, be quiet and respectful, etc. Cut fungi at the base with a knife and only collect a few from each troop as it is good to leave some for others and for nature.

If you fancy stunning views and a historical encounter of times before, then consider Dartmoor for an autumn excursion. Dartmoor is an area of over 250 sq miles of open moorland with a few small villages and river valleys to explore too. Wrap up well though as the elements can be especially strong over Dartmoor and it can be a considerably wet place to explore. Look out for birds of prey, small mammals and the changing colours around you as well as the beautiful Dartmoor ponies.

Consult http://www.walkingindevon.co.uk/ to download free walks in Devon to explore the autumn countryside. This website contains all the information that you need to get walking in the glorious Devon countryside. Similarly http://www.walkingincornwall.info/ also contains free walks in Cornwall for you to have a look at and decide the best walk for you.

Think about the most appropriate time to go for a walk. Perhaps a morning when the dew will show the appearance of many fungi from fairy rings and puff balls to the shiny red caps of fly agaric mushrooms that have successfully pushed their heads through the fading yellow leaves that are on the ground all around. Red admiral butterflies additionally are special to spot. Look out for them feeding on ivy flowers and fruits that have fallen while the colourful Jay is around looking for acorns as is the squirrel. They are storing food for the coming months that will be colder in temperature.

Cornwall is awash with cycling, horse-riding and walking trails, long and short, easy or more arduous. So leave the car at home and take the fabulous Discovery Trail in Newquay, which stretches all the way from Hollywell Bay to Mawgan Porth. Fantastic! What a way to explore what autumn has to offer.

Consider easy walks to Dartington from Totnes, or maybe exploring Castle Drogo and Sharp Tor from Fingle Bridge. A little harder walk is Countisbury and Watersmeet from Lynmouth and don’t forget the Plym valley from Plym Bridge. Also if you wish to gaze upon stunning autumn trees and foliage, think about visiting Saltram Park and Hardwick Wood. Take a look at http://www.walkingbritain.co.uk/walks/walks/walk_list/Devon/ for more examples.

Autumn is meant to be an abundance of beautiful colours, birds chirping and singing and seeds and leaves dropping to the floor for you to wade through. Why not take your camera and capture autumn moments on film to share with your friends and family. You never know what rare sighting you may snap that will have them in awe of your exploring capabilities!

Enjoy our beautiful autumn countryside today.